Banal Hemorrhage

This week, I am not anxious. I find that extremely surprising, given the weird apocalypse-adjacent adventure we are experiencing. It really is about knowing that we are all going through the same thing that gives me strength. By this point, we all know people who have been affected physically by the COVID, or someone who has been left behind in the economy. We are all helping each other as much as we can in the most uncertain times many of us have experienced. I am not known for my optimism, but I truly feel we will come back stronger. We will appreciate communication more, we will be more informed about infection control and we will focus on the important things. This is one of my series of comics that have homunculi ,  personified abstractions of my issues or my mental processes. I am often drawn to that style as I work through my demons. I hope you enjoyed the comic! Extra Panel: This harkens back to Awkwardo , my personified social awkwardness. He’s in heaven righ...

Nobody tells you about the skeletons. In a first date, how often did you divulge your deepest secrets? Not often, I’m going to wager. You didn’t tell them about your childhood crush on Gadget from Chip And Dale Rescue Rangers;  and you definitely didn’t mention your psychological issues in crushing detail. Those come later. Finding someone who you can eventually open up to is great. Having someone who can dance with your defects is divine. I’m a lucky bastard, as I’ve mentioned before. More and more, the weirdos are those who never fall down. The ones who make a career or get their jollies by showing you a constant image of perfection. Those are the ones that I don’t get. They’d be more believable and more approachable if they’d at the very least tell you their fart story. We have all let a fart go in the most awkward moment. It’s just that some of us are broken enough to write a blog post about it. My runaway gas was in my office just before a performance review ...

Anxiety comes at me in waves. Sometimes I am perfectly satisfied with this hard wrought life I’ve made for myself, complete with a wife, home and community. The next second I am obsessing about having to meet people and how am I going to find and wear the proper pants for said meeting (and I only have like two pairs of pants).  One time, I had so much anxiety about my choices in the board game Pandemic Legacy that I ruined that game forever. I still think about all those diseased millions we left uncured in Shanghai. There’s objective reasons for my current bout with anxiety. I have a new job, a new commute, a new culture to shape and change. Anxiety is attacking me routinely. The self talk is obsessive and the feeling in my chest is pervasive. Some days are better than others, but last week it was off the charts. I daydream of an incompetent personified anxiety. The best I've been feeling lately is when I volunteer after work. I feel like I’ve contributed, I f...

Again, my two systems fighting against each other.  It is extremely fun to say yes to everything! And yet, it is the cause of many breakdowns and anxious moments in my life. Saying no is very powerful and it may be the most honest thing you can say sometimes. I've always respected people who know their limits and walk away from the cliff. My only advice is to listen to that voice that knows all the things you are working on. That voice is wise and can put things in perspective. I'm pretty sure in your deathbed you won't remember all the things you said yes to, but I'm sure you'll remember all the times you bit off more than you could chew!

#1 and #2 are based (loosely) on Kahneman's "Thinking, Fast and Slow". In it he describes (in a purely heuristic way) two ways our brains work. System 1 is fast, intuitive, and frequently wrong. System 2 is slower, more deliberate and logical. A good way to think about it is this: When you think of 2+2=4, you are using System 1. You already learned the concept and the operation to derive 2+2=4 years ago, by now it is automatic. When tasked with 56x33=X, you have to engage System 2. In my real job, I have to teach people how to use System 2, because System 1 is often wrong when making assumptions, summaries or reflections. However, in my personal life I fall to the siren song of System 1 constantly. I like to see, hear and feel things all the time, which makes it hard to concentrate or remember things. The homunculi in my head are taking their shapes! And yes, I am terrible at names and this at least makes me feel like I have an excuse. Chart by...

This one is about the bad decisions we make during conversations. I wish the paths were as clearly labelled, but honestly by now they should seem more obvious to me! The words “I’m Sorry” mean nothing without what comes next. Choose wisely! The more I draw homunculi in my head the more options I see for describing the flaws we all make in reasoning. This is a good avenue for me to join my Psychology background with my absent-minded moron background with my new faux-artistic background. These ideas have been germinating in me since the beggining. My 11th comic introduced little people in my head.  Dear reader, if you made it this far into the verbiage of this post please help me with this: What is a good name for a made up fatal disease that would afflict an older version of an absent-minded moron? It’s for my next comic. Let’s make it interactive.

Bonus Last Panel: I have been interested in representing my (deeply flawed) internal processes as homunculi for quite a bit. It has shown in my previous work. I will keep developing these ideas, but I kind of like these current, ethereal versions. Lastly, am I reading a book about learning to write comics as an idiot creator or am I learning how to write comics for idiot readers? Only time will tell, my dear readers.

Overthinking is my superpower! Also, I prefer simpler solutions! I think those two statements contradict each other! No they don't! Maybe... Still, I stand by both!

What’s your high score? I got all of them. All of the awkwards.

Some of these memories are just waiting to be turned into nervous ticks.I feel like that shady guy still hasn't let go of some of my greatest hits. Like puking in a school play. Countless first dates. The time I thought I wanted to be a mouseketeer.