56. Meta Dysmorphia

When even your creations don't measure up to their expectations!

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92. Never Google Your Doppleganger

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In my lifetime I have been told that I look exactly like some people that I would consider to be not perfect replicas of me. Maybe I have a better self esteem than I project, but I feel like I don’t look like “ The Critic ”; as was earnestly expressed by a girl on a (first and only) date. Other twinsies I’ve been professed to have: Steven Wright Tony Hale Stephen Miller (Aaaaargh) Dr. Katz I don’t know. Maybe I’m vain, but I always pictured me as more of a Luke-Perry-with-a-really-bad-hair-day type. It’s funny how I have a pretty sturdy love and acceptance of my own physique, and yet my self esteem about other things (like being a functional adult in this crazy world) is pretty dismal.
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266. Collateral Splashing

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We recently installed a bidet in in our toilet. It was one of those external thingies you install between the toilet lid and the base. It was a fun project for us, we learned a lot about fighting in confined spaces.  It took me a few weeks before I could use it without giggling. This thing has no chill, you either preserve your butt integrity or you get blasted a couple of inches into undiscovered country. After a couple of weeks, though, it did become part of my routine. I soon noticed the collateral splash and I haven't stopped mentioning it, to my own (and only my own) amusement. This comic is an homage to Larry David’s humor and lasting appeal.  Like many of you, I’ve been on a Curb your Enthusiasm joyride lately. For some reason, I wasn’t interested in the show until recently, even though Larry David rants are extremely and historically resonant with me. I think my favorite part of the show is Cheryl’s disappointed/harried face and LD’s inability to detect it while riffin...
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285. Regrets, too few to mention

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If you are one of the two or three people that read my blog with any form of consistency, you may have  noticed one thing. I’m a momma’s boy. Unashamedly, my mother is my hero. I ask her for advice constantly and I will never stop trying to honor her. In chauvinistic Venezuela during the chauvinistic 80s, a single mom of two, working in the chauvinistic profession of engineering, faced many challenges. What made her able to surmount her challenges was her determination to prove herself to herself at all times. She didn’t want to be seen as a woman doing a man’s job; she wanted to show the world what she could achieve. I only learned this later in life, but she doesn’t identify as a feminist, even though most people who knew her would consider her one. She identifies as a person that can do anything she sets her mind to. She’s incredibly driven. When I asked her what motivated her, she said that when she starts a new job, she looks at her boss and asks, ‘How can I become their boss ...
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274. Agrarian Contrarians

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The rural and urban divide has plagued humanity since before the actual great plague. Rural people did atrocities to foreigners, like blaming the Jews for the plague and murdering them. However, even in all their fears of others, they were always pro-monarchy. During the French Revolution, the feudal rural peasants wanted a revolution but also wanted to keep the monarchy. For some reason, being in the countryside has always rhymed with xenophobia and authoritarianist beliefs.  I know why urban voters are different, they're different because they live alongside minorities and immigrants and other people in a higher density. As I've said before, being around different cultures is a cure for hate.  What I don't understand is what makes rural folk the way they are. Why are they afraid of people they may never meet? Why do they want a strong daddy to tell them what to do? Most rural people I know pride themselves in their know-how and independence... why is that correlated wit...
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273. Knowing Nod

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I visited my mom last week. I asked my mom if she ever nods knowingly without a clue about what people are talking about. She said no. She said that she would always say “I have no idea what you are talking about”. You know what? I believe her. She would keep it simple and stop the conversation and ask for more details. But then, I thought a little harder and distinctly recall her nodding as I was explaining to her the junction system in Final Fantasy VIII and I know for a fact that she can’t tell her blizzarra from her blizzaga. Perhaps she does care about us and wants to make us feel like we're interesting. Other people I consulted with said that they have in fact, nodded along in ignorance. Those are my people. Acting like you are following along to avoid long interactions and explanations is my jam. If you’re curious enough you can google later without the whiff of social anxiety hanging in the air.  Of course, at work it's another matter. You can't George Constanza you...
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279. Missable Quest

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When I was a child, instead of paying attention to anything that would’ve helped me later in my life, I day-dreamed. Or is it day-dreamt? If I had paid attention in class I’d know. Anyway, I’d imagine portals opening up and sending me out to a land in which I could be a lot of help somehow. I vastly overestimated what I could bring to the table as an asthmatic, introverted, anxious, near sighted dweeb.  The thing is, none of those fantasies were about helping people around me under realistic situations. It was always the Japanese isekai trope, before I even knew such a trope existed. It was always either fake enemies or fake people in need. It was never Pedro, the soccer prodigy in the first row that needed my help. Or the bus lady. Just new people in new places.  As an adult, it’s the people who throw themselves at others in need that capture my admiration. Nurses, doctors, social workers, non-profit workers. One of our nurse friends, Hayley, recently casually mentioned how s...
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278. Doomer

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I’ve always associated complaining with old people. One of my parents was a serial complainer and I always wanted to rebel against that. Sometimes you are weird because of what your parents model, sometimes you’re weird because of what you tried to break from. In my case, I obsessively avoid complaining. 'Oh, you messed up my blood draw? No worries I have plenty more where that came from'. It takes a lot for me to get angry at a company, a person or a thing. One ex-girlfriend found this infuriating, my lack of reaction was offensive to her. Yet, there are times… In my small city, for some reason, they’ve decided to repair many of our main roads in the year of our lord 2024. For most of the year, I was chill about it. The detours showed me parts of the city I’ve never seen, and I’m really never in that much of a hurry. But lately, it’s making me snap. Why does it have to be everything, everywhere all at once? Businesses are understandably upset. One such business even started ma...
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